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Cath Stamper
Cath Stamper is a highly qualified psychotherapist, hypnotherapist and counsellor at The Skin & Laser Clinic. Contact: www.theskinandlaserclinic.co.uk |
Cath Stamper answers all your Psychotherapy related questions |
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Pressure cooker
Q. Planning the wedding is getting on top of me but I feel that I can't ask anyone for help. What can I do?
A. Cath Stamper says: This is actually a very common problem so don't feel alone. Weddings can be tremendously stressful for all concerned, but particularly for the bride and groom.
It is important to keep things in perspective. Yes, it's a very special day, but in reality, it is only one day and you have the rest of your life to enjoy. You really don't want to look back at your big day with regret as you were too stressed to enjoy it. Chunk the things you need to do, down to manageable sized tasks and make sure you give yourself plenty of time to accomplish them.
As for help, ask yourself why you feel you can't ask for it. Is it because of your pride, or do you not want to put any stress on others? Whatever the reason, you may be surprised to find that many people around you actually want to help. Helping organise a wedding allows friends and family a chance to feel that they have contributed to your special day and fosters a sense of belonging.
This is particularly true with your partner's family who will enjoy getting to know you better as they help you out. On a final note, be aware of how you say things. By saying you can't ask for help, you are actually saying you choose not to and that is very different.
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Mind over matter
Q. I'm getting married in the summer and want to lose weight for the big day. I was wondering if hypnotherapy would help and how do I find a good hypnotherapist?
A. Cath Stamper says: Hypnotherapy can certainly help with weight control but it is important to start your sessions as soon as possible in order to get the full benefits.
Firstly, find a suitably qualified hypnotherapist in your area by looking up The General Hypnotherapy Register. With any of the therapists listed you can be assured that they are fully qualified and hold appropriate insurance. Most hypnotherapists offer a free initial consultation so you can gain an understanding about what hypnotherapy can and cannot do. Many clients are initially nervous but a good therapist will talk you through the process and answer any questions you may have. During this session you will also be asked some health questions so that the therapist can formulate the best treatment for you.
You will probably need between three and six sessions depending on the complexity of your situation. It's important to note that the hypnotherapist cannot make you 'do' anything that you don't want to. There is a big difference between stage hypnotists and clinical hypnotherapists. But it's also worth noting that your hypnotherapist is not a magician. Motivation will still be needed on your part and you need to be realistic about your expectations. That's why it is so important to start your sessions sooner rather than later.
Many hypnotherapists combine counselling with hypnotherapy when working with weight control. Often, overeating has a deeper cause, which may need to be explored. Do discuss this approach further with your hypnotherapist. Your treatment will always be tailored personally to you whatever your circumstances. |
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Got the blues?
Q. My friend recently got married and suffered depression after the wedding. I'm really worried about this happening. How can I avoid the post wedding blues?
A. Cath Stamper says: It is very common to feel low after the big day is over. You will have spent months planning the perfect day down to the minutest detail and then, all of a sudden, it's over and life may seem very mundane. But here are some tips to help you to avoid feeling blue.
Remember that your wedding day is not the end but the beginning of an incredible journey. Ensure that when planning the big day, you also spend time with your partner arranging things to look forward to in the six to 12 months following your wedding. This will help stop the sudden feeling of emptiness and the thought that you have nothing to do or work towards.
Even if you have previously lived with your partner, you are now part of an official 'couple'. You have declared your love for one another to all those around, but this doesn't mean that you are meant to lose your identity. You have committed yourself to one person for ever and that commitment needs celebrating, but also remember to celebrate being you.
Plan something nice to do for yourself soon after the wedding. It doesn't need to cost much - it could be a simple night in pampering yourself. Allow yourself time to get used to your married status and try to avoid putting pressure on yourself by judging your behaviour as a 'wife'. There is not a perfect wife on earth and whatever you do will be right for you.
Remember to enjoy your life as a married couple and be happy. |
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Centre of attention
Q. I have never really enjoyed being the centre of attention and I'm getting nervous about the amount of attention I will get on my wedding day. Do you have any tips to help me to feel more confident?
A. Cath Stamper says: Confidence comes from within and some tips for boosting confidence include:
- Make a list of all the positive skills and attributes that you have and re-read them every day.
- Try saying some positive affirmations while looking at yourself in the mirror. Give yourself your biggest grin and say something very nice to yourself. To start with you may feel a little silly but keep trying as this does work.
- Well in advance of the day; imagine how wonderful the day is going to be. Use all five of your senses to make it really vivid. Your mind does not differentiate between imagination and reality and this will help your self confidence deep within your unconscious.
- If possible go to other weddings or watch videos of weddings and model any confident behaviour that you see.
- If you start to feel really worried about your wedding day, distract yourself by doing something nice for yourself like playing your favourite music and having a dance.
- Practice acting like you have confidence. How would you sound? How would you move? What would you look like? etc. If you practice often enough you will find that you actually do become more confident.
- If you find that you have an annoying voice in your head saying negative comments about the situation, imagine that you have a volume control and just turn those comments off. Take control of your situation - it's your day and you have every right to thoroughly enjoy it.
Remember, no-one knows you like you do, so listen and trust yourself. Don't be pressurised into doing things you don't really want to do. It's your day and you are able to say how you want the arrangements. Above all, remember to enjoy yourself. |
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